The Bad Guy

Baby, I prefer the word “difficult.”

I recently received an e mail from a good friend (perhaps you got some variation on it, too) titled “The Day The Penis Asked For A Raise.” It went a little something like this:

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October 29, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, genitalia, humor, relationships, sex, whimsy | 2 Comments

Passed out in a booth.

When evenings at the peep show would wind down, those of us who worked there would sometimes feel this urge to start doing our jobs. It was an irrational impulse that we liked to justify by too much drugs, too little drugs, hating the music the cashier was playing, being beaten at Scrabble or Chess too many times, not liking the people we working with, or sheer boredom.

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June 3, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, peep shows, san francisco, Work | 2 Comments

Love is in the air!

I guess it was two years ago. I was at work and three VERY drunk women were waiting for a friend in the lobby. At the time I was listening to “Coast To Coast AM” and playing Advanced Wars DS in an attempt to drown out their conversation. All was going according to plan when one of the women got up and approached me at the desk.

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May 31, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, vandalism, Work | 3 Comments

When Classic Punk Bands Hang Out.

I was working the graveyard shift at the peepshow when three guys from a classic punk band stopped in to visit (I regret that I will not divulge WHICH band). They were a nice enough bunch of guys so I got to talking to them.  Turns out that was a bad idea.

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May 27, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, peepshow, san francisco, virginity, Work | 6 Comments

REVENGE!!!

I guess it was five years ago. I was working at the peep show and hating my life. The evening was busy, the customers were extra annoying and some guy was trying to bond with me while I manned the front desk. He had no urge to check out the shows, get change or even cruise the hallways. All he wanted was to chill…With me…At the front desk.

This was very trying for me because I had recently resolved to be nicer to customers. This guy proved that I had made no progress in this task.

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May 14, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, peep shows, the customer is always an asshole, Work | 3 Comments

My Last Day (Or, The $50,000 man)

Two days ago I wrote a piece about how I turned in my two-week notice and was off to another job. I also discussed my favorite “fuck you” ideas for my last day and how I had no urge to carry them out. A lot has happened in two days. Well, today, to be precise. For some reason my boss got cheesed at me and taunted me with his salary…Then he hung up the phone. So, because he is so proud of his salary, I will now share it with the entire world.

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May 5, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, take this job and shove it, Work | 2 Comments

Quit My Job

Oh what a happy day for me! I have a new job and just handed in my two week notice at the apartment building. I have dreamed of this day for three years and I must say I disappointed myself. You see, I had all these plans for how I was going to quit (but truth be told, I was fairly sure I’d get fired). Here are some of my favorites:

1) I go to my boss and demand a ridiculous raise. He says no and I quit on the spot.

2) Hire a Mariachi band to play “Take this Job And Shove It” at the desk for an hour or two on my last day while I flip off residents who pass by.

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May 2, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, Work | 1 Comment

Let’s Kill The Desk Clerk

Last Summer the on-site maintenance man where I work was fired. His name was Raymond and he sold crack out of the apartment the company let him live in free of charge. One would think that selling drugs would be enough to fire or evict someone, but no it wasn’t. Like all horrible situations, the healing could not begin until matters became much worse.

The tipping point came when one of Raymond’s “cousins” shot and killed someone outside where I work and hid in the building. The police, about eight of ’em, showed up the next day to arrest the responsible party. Even though I had said nothing to the police at any time (I wasn’t even at work when the murder took place), Raymond’s buddies thought I was the snitch. Later, when Raymond was finally fired for turning the building into New Jack City, harboring murderers in his unit, letting his friends squat in vacant units, beating up residents who were slow to pay debts, and not doing the job he was hired to do, it was me who he and his buddies blamed.

So the following are transcripts of a few of the many exchanges I had with one of Raymond’s buddies on my trips to and from work.

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April 21, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, crack, death, drugs are bad, san francisco, Work | 1 Comment

My Very Last Imus Post, I Promise.

For the last couple of days I have written posts about Don Imus, a man who I really never cared about before this week. But write about him, I did, and I will not take any of it back. But I do want to inject some personal thoughts on the matter. I want to do this because despite all the stupid things he said, I can’t help but feel bad for the guy.

Who among us has not said something REAL stupid that was not easily forgiven? Granted, not all of us has said those things on a radio show broadcast from coast-to-coast, but we’ve all been that guy. And no, most of us are not professional broadcasters who should know where the line is after decades of honing our craft, but I understand. And I’ll be honest right now, I’ve been the guy who got fired for verbal gaffes. It’s no fun.

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April 12, 2007 Posted by | alienation, bad jobs, don imus, MSNBC, san francisco, Work | 3 Comments

The Old Man And The Pee

It was the Saturday before Easter one year ago. I was sitting at the desk at work and…Well let’s just start this story.

resident : You ready for Easter?

me: [emphatic] YES! Are you?

resident : No. Not even close. Are you working tomorrow?

me: Sure am, Ma’am.

resident : I’m sorry. How can you work on the day of the Resurrection?

me: Well, if Jesus can spend the better part of a Friday nailed to a cross and then push a big rock out the way of his tomb door 2 days later with holes in all his limbs and a big cut under his ribs, I’m sure I’ll be fine sitting on my ass for eight hours here.

resident: You do have a point.

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April 7, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, urine, Work | 2 Comments