The Bad Guy

When Classic Punk Bands Hang Out.

I was working the graveyard shift at the peepshow when three guys from a classic punk band stopped in to visit (I regret that I will not divulge WHICH band). They were a nice enough bunch of guys so I got to talking to them.  Turns out that was a bad idea.

band guy 1: You guys still open?

me: Only videos, live show is over.

band guy 2: I told you we were too late.

band guy 1: You were right, you were right.

band guy 2: I’m going to check out a movie. [To me] You got change for a $20?

me: Sure. So you guys are [CENSORED]?

band guy 3: Yup.

me: I have no idea why I’m telling you guys this, but one of your records was playing the first time I had sex.

band guy 1: We were the soundtrack to you losing it?

me: Yeah.

band guy 1: What album was it?

me: Your first one…I think.

band guy 1: You think?

me: All I remember was that I was getting laid and my girlfriend put on one of your records beforehand.

band guy 1: I’ll accept that answer.

[Truth be told, I was never a fan of this band. Only my serious social ineptness lead me to sharing such private info that I really should have kept to myself.]

band guy 1: So you work here?  That’s so cool.

me: If you say so.

band guy 1: We’ve been playing this town for almost 20 years and this place has ALWAYS been a tradition for us.  Right before we leave town, we show up here, hang out with whoever is working, drop some quarters and get back on the road.

[Hours passed, the sun was rising and that band was still hanging out with me at the front desk.  I had long passed the point of paying attention to the conversation and was at a loss for how to drop a hint.  I had already tried the “My boss watches the security cam…” ploy.  The “I have to lock the doors because we’re getting new carpet” line wouldn’t work on customers who knew for a fact that our carpet was around for the Reagan Administration.  I was up shit creek.  In most situations I’d just be a dick and let the chips fall, but I really couldn’t do it this time.  I was getting tired, cranky, and I still had to clean up so I just decided to be direct and see if that worked.]

me: Guys, I need to go vacuum and sweep the theater.

band guy 2:  Mind if we join you?

me: Kinda?

band guy 1: Don’t worry about it.  I’m going to check out another movie.

band guy 3: Me, too.

band guy 2: [To me] Dude, I’ll help you sweep.

me: Nah, that’s OK.  I can’t expect you to do my job for  me.

[So I locked up the cash, grabbed the vacuum cleaner and headed to the back.  “band guy 2” was behind me and, though the vac was on, I could sense that he was talking to me.  I gritted my teeth wishing for my shift to be over or my boss to walk in and ask in his 50-years-of-hard-livin’-and-unfiltered-cigarettes voice “WHAT THE FUCK?!?!”.  When I reached the end of my round, I switched off the cleaner to hear “band guy 2’s” voice loud and clear once more.]

band guy 2: Dude, this place is sweet.  You got it MADE here!”

me: I really hope you’re fucking with me.

band guy 2: No, I’m not.  This place is sweet.

me: Well, I’m glad you like it…Hey, not to be rude, but don’t you guys have to get back on the road?

band guy 2: What time is it?

me: It’s 7:15 am.

band guy 2: We’ve been here five hours?

me: It’s only been five hours?  Felt like more.

band guy 2: [sarcastically] Ha-ha-ha, dick.  We’ve been here five hours?!

me:  That front door is wide open and faces EAST!  How could you have NOT noticed that the sun was SHINING in?!?!

band guy 2: [banging on all the video booth doors to find his mates]  Guys! Guys! Guys!  Wegottagowegottagowegottago…NOWNOWNOWNOWNOW!!!!

band guy 1: What the fuck?

band guy 2: It’s 7:15.

band guy 1: SHIT!

band guy 3: What?

band guy 1: Let’s go, we’re late.

band guy 2: Damn, desk guy.  Talked our ears off for five hours and now we’re late!

The band guys ran out the theater and across the street to their van.  I sat back down, lit a cigarette and muttered profanity to myself and felt the stress of five hours of band bonding slip away.


May 27, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, peepshow, san francisco, virginity, Work


  1. Wow. Those idiots must have been completely oblivious, living in darkness. Who could it be?..hmmm…

    Comment by Agent Oragutung | May 28, 2007 | Reply

  2. Not even close.

    Comment by thebadguy | May 28, 2007 | Reply

  3. I bet it was Social D. I hate that fucking band…..

    Comment by Myrtle | May 28, 2007 | Reply

  4. Nope, it wasn’t Social Distortion.

    Comment by thebadguy | May 28, 2007 | Reply

  5. East coast or West coast?

    Comment by Myrtle | May 29, 2007 | Reply

  6. Not telling.

    Comment by thebadguy | May 29, 2007 | Reply

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