The Bad Guy

Omon

The fact that Russia is cracking down on dissent should not come as a shock to anyone. Since the entire history of Russia is saturated with war, violent political power-plays and brutal assaults on dissent, I’m only surprised by the times when the Russian government is NOT wearing an iron fist. Don’t get me wrong, I do not approve of Putin clamping down on the freedoms of his people, but I am in no way surprised.

So last month I was no way surprised to hear about Russian police breaking up a huge protest in St. Petersburg. Despite Garry Kasparov leading the demonstration, the police prevailed in arresting 300 (including Kasparov) and beating many more. Not be flippant, but I guess those chess skills don’t translate to the real world when up against brute, merciless force.

But there was a backlash against Russia’s riot police (the Omon). Faced with a PR nightmare, Russian officials decided that a bizarre show of military sideshow tricks and fluffy animals was in order.

Members of the Omon did sit-ups on broken glass while knives were dropped on their stomachs and broke flaming bricks with their fists. Also, in a scene that William S Burroughs would be proud of, Omon members demonstrated how to shoot someone in the back while the steady “UN-TS, UN-TS, UN-TS” beat of techno music blasted in the background.

After all that, they rolled out one of their attack dogs. And what was the dog ordered to kill or mame? Nothing. The dog (named “Ajax”) simply padded over to an adorably fluffy cat (not identified…I’ll only guess it had something to do with not blowing it’s cover), snuggled and licked it, picked it up in it’s teeth, carried it a short distance and put it down unharmed.

Ajax: Rherro!

cat: [in a cute cat voice] Excuse mwe?

Ajax: Ri Raid “Rherro!” Rhi’m rhere roo rick rou rup rand rake roo rover rhere!

cat: I don spea scoo-by.

Ajax: [switches to russian] I pick you up now, da?

cat: NOOOOOO!

Ajax: Do not get me wrong, I would keel you like moose or squirrel any other day, but the reporters will get angry and take pictures of it. My orders are to make nice.

cat: I yum scay-ured.

Ajax: You should be. But now I leeck you for camera and nuzzle you with nose. You run, I keel you. You hiss, I keel you. You understand?

cat: Don hut mwe! I have kittens.

Ajax: Who are you fooling? You have no testicles. Me? I have geat, big ones, and they make me angry. I pick you up and carry you over there now.

cat: O-Kway. Pwease don kill mwe.

Ajax: I promise. I no keel you when camera here.

After that demonstration deputy interior minister Mikhail Sukhodolsky was quoted as saying “We have shown we are open to communication. I hope today’s session will make you more objective in the future.” Yes, they certainly love to communicate. And what they communicated on that day was that they will fuck your day up if you ask anymore questions. Unlike the press, they fear no pain…They welcome it, even if you don’t.

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May 11, 2007 - Posted by | cats, cuteness, dogs, News and politics, omon, police state, russia

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