The Bad Guy

My Last Day (Or, The $50,000 man)

Two days ago I wrote a piece about how I turned in my two-week notice and was off to another job. I also discussed my favorite “fuck you” ideas for my last day and how I had no urge to carry them out. A lot has happened in two days. Well, today, to be precise. For some reason my boss got cheesed at me and taunted me with his salary…Then he hung up the phone. So, because he is so proud of his salary, I will now share it with the entire world.

My boss (who I will now refer to as “kung-fu boss” to differentiate him from other bosses) makes $50,000!!!

Isn’t that great? I feel so insignificant now. Like an astronaut gazing at the Earth from space. I can’t even DREAM of that much money. Is there that much money in the whole world? And he lives in the heart of SF, probably pays more than $1500 per month in rent, has car payments, insurance, garage fees…God, I bet after all those expenses he still has enough left over to wipe his ass with c-notes! Kung-fu boss is living LARGE, I tell you! SOOOOOO LARGE!!! But seriously, only major douches with inferiority issues use their salary to belittle someone else. It’s a sign of poor character and makes one an easy target for ridicule. It was as if he saw that Mr. Show sketch about Worthington’s Law and took it seriously.

And to be clear, most building managers at the company I worked for make MUCH less than that. Like 20K less, at least.

I will return to the story now.

It was after that exchange that I decided it would be better if I gave away my shifts and walk into the sunset. But before I took my leave I said my goodbyes to all the residents, played “Take This Job And Shove It” (all ten versions that I have on MP3) and told everyone the great news about kung-fu boss’s salary.

me: Did you hear the glorious news?

resident: You already told me that you’re quitting.

me: No, there’s something else!

resident: Yeah?

me: My boss makes $50,000 a year!

resident: What?! How can he make that much when they keep cutting the budget over here?

me: Well, they certainly have money for the kung-fu man.

resident: Didn’t they fire our guy because of the budget?

me: don’t forget water delivery and cutting out the graveyard shift.

resident: Awwwww, HELL NO!!!

me: But aren’t you happy for him? Tell everyone about kung-fu boss’s paycheck. This is news that EVERYONE should know!

resident: That’s fucked up.

[Another resident returned to the building]

resident 2: What’s going on?

resident: That kung-fu guy makes $50,000.

resident 2: Awwwww, HELL NO!!!

resident: That’s what I said!

me: It’s true.

resident 2: They don’t have money to staff this building, but they can pay him $50, 000?

resident: I bet that’s why they’re cutting back.

resident 2: Fuck that guy. I’m bringing this up at the next residents meeting.

me: Please do, he’s very proud of his salary. He’ll most likely take a bow.

resident: Didn’t they pay the last guy like $30,000 or something?

resident 2: I think you’re right.

Anyway, the residents now know where all the payroll budget is going and why hours and staff were cut this past month. The good news is that despite what my boss did, I was able to leave my job with dignity while still having some fun with the situation. When I left at midnight I felt no anger, and no regrets. All that I felt was pure joy and relief at never having to sit at that front desk or deal with kung-fu boss ever again.

-EPILOGUE- (5/5/07, 7:13pm)

Kung-fu boss called me up to give me a piece of his mind just now. I stopped him short by telling him:

“This is the sound that a man who doesn’t work for you anymore makes…”

*click*

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May 5, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, take this job and shove it, Work

2 Comments »

  1. $50,000 aint shit when you’re living in Frisco. He probably sucks dick on the side just to pay his parking fees.

    Comment by Myrtle | May 5, 2007 | Reply

  2. That was the point I was making. That, and he’s royal a douche.

    Comment by thebadguy | May 5, 2007 | Reply


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