The Bad Guy

Quit My Job

Oh what a happy day for me! I have a new job and just handed in my two week notice at the apartment building. I have dreamed of this day for three years and I must say I disappointed myself. You see, I had all these plans for how I was going to quit (but truth be told, I was fairly sure I’d get fired). Here are some of my favorites:

1) I go to my boss and demand a ridiculous raise. He says no and I quit on the spot.

2) Hire a Mariachi band to play “Take this Job And Shove It” at the desk for an hour or two on my last day while I flip off residents who pass by.

3) Show up late to the rest of my shifts. When pressed on the matter by the person I relieve, I will instruct him to suck my dick. If my boss presses me on the matter I will not only cordially invite him to fellate me, I will also suggest he moisten my scrotum.

4) Show up for work and survey the area. After taking a long, disapproving glance at the lobby, proclaim “Fuck this!” And leave…Never to return.

5) Tell residents all the dirty secrets I’ve been hoarding all these years. All the gossip that only I was privy to…And all the plans management has for the place that residents SHOULD be worried about. But to add an extra layer of dickishness I’d make up a lot of stuff, too.

6) Get ripped on Cisco at the front desk on my last day. When I’ve made enough of a scene that I’ve sucked all the air out of lobby I’d recite Tony Montana’s “bad guy” speech from Scarface as I exited the building. Come on, you remember it, don’t you? If you don’t, here it is:

At the very least I’d score some street cred for being able to rattle that off the top of my head.

7) Throw a karaoke party for all the residents. This is something I still might do. I figure that the residents who do like me will enjoy it and the ones that hate me will be so overjoyed at my departure they’ll want to celebrate, too.

As you noticed, all but the last of those fantasies are mean spirited and petty, and I’m not feeling mean-spirited or petty right now. Not saying that I won’t in the future, but I don’t feel that way now so why force it? The only liberties I’ll be taking at work for the next week or two will be to brazenly watch TV at the desk anytime I want (management took away our TV last month).

If all goes well, I will never have to work here again after these two weeks are up. It has been a humbling, frustrating, dangerous, amusing, frightening, unhappy and Kafka-esque three years. I wish that I didn’t have to live through it, but I did, and I’m better for it. Despite all the horrible things I went through at this job, I do find them humorous when I step back from them a little bit. Now it’s time to move on. And to all those who read this blog for my work-related stories, do not fear! I have plenty of material that I have not yet shared. That well will not go dry any time soon.

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May 2, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, Work

1 Comment »

  1. So. Proud. Of. You.

    Comment by geltsgirl | May 3, 2007 | Reply


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