The Bad Guy


A resident had just returned from adopting two kittens. Realizing that she needed to buy litter and food for the little ones, she left the kitty-caddy at the desk with me. As the resident walked out the door she turned back and told me “Don’t let them out of there!” I nodded and stared into the carrier.

kitty 1: Mew!

kitty 2: Meeeew!

me: Aww! You guys are so cute.

kitty 2: Mew!

me: I know, it sucks to be locked up in a box.

kitty 1 & 2: Meeewww!!!

me: She told me not to…

kitty 2: MEW! MEW!

me: OK, I’ll open this door, put my hand in and give you guys a little scritch.

So I unlocked the caddy door and the two little guys jumped out right on to my lap where they instantly snuggled up and fell asleep. At least they weren’t running out the door or finding a corner I couldn’t get them out of. So I just let the little ones sleep while I watched TV. I was happy, the kittens were asleep and all, with the exception of the TV, was quiet. That is until…


Edgar: I’m leaving! Watch me walk. [to me] Give me my ID, please. [to Ms. Bolt] AND FUCK YOU!!!

You remember Ms. Bolt & Edgar, don’t you?

me: Please! Can’t you see the kittens are sleeping?

Edgar: Oh, I’m sorry. They’re so cute! They yours?

me: No, a resident left them here for me to look after while she went to the store.

Edgar: They are adorable. [to Ms. Bolt, whispering] See how you are? You start yelling and you make the little kitties upset.

Ms. Bolt: [whispering] That’s you, always worrying about everyone elses pussy but mine!

Edgar: [whispering] Why do you have to make everything about Tess?

Ms. Bolt: [whisper/screaming] Because you think I’m asleep and you go next door to swizzle your dick around in her Herpes hole. [screaming for real] DO YOU KNOW HOW THIN THE GODDAMN WALLS ARE IN MY PLACE?!?!

me: Ms. Bolt, Edgar could you please take this outside? You’re waking the kittens again.

The kittens wake and stretch. The one with the long, dark gray fur opens his gigantic eyes and looks at Ms. Bolt. The black kitten perks up and looks at me, to Ms. Bolt & Edgar, then back to me.

Ms. Bolt: Of course I will. You right. [blows a kiss to the kittens] God bless those two little miracles!

Ms. Bolt & Edgar head to the door and resume screaming at each other. The kittens look up from my lap and I pet them. They purr and fall back to sleep. Twenty minutes later the owner of the two kittens returns and is happy that the little guys are sound asleep.

cat owner: I knew you couldn’t leave them in the box!

me: I know. Hope you’re not pissed at me.

cat owner: Naw. Did they run around much?

me: No, They just slept.

cat owner: No trouble?

me: None at all!


April 4, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, cats, kittens, san francisco, Work


  1. Everyone has to respect the kitties!

    Comment by geltsgirl | April 4, 2007 | Reply

  2. It is true!

    Comment by thebadguy | April 4, 2007 | Reply

  3. I wish my cat was a baby again, instead of an old fat meanie!

    Comment by Myrtle | April 5, 2007 | Reply

  4. That was mean. Go apologize to Gobbles right now!

    Comment by thebadguy | April 5, 2007 | Reply

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