The Bad Guy

CLOWNS!!!

I just wanted to pass along these rather disturbing videos of Christian clown training. I have always held true to my belief that nobody likes a clown. The videos below reinforce that for me.

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April 29, 2007 Posted by | clowns, job training | Leave a comment

Of Zero G and G-Strings

This past week we got to see Stephen Hawking in zero gravity.

With this, Dr. Hawking kinda fulfilled a dream of his. It may not have been a space flight, but he did get to feel weightlessness for the first time. Good for him. But what some people may not know about Stephen Hawking is that he has realized MANY other fantasies.

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April 28, 2007 Posted by | News and politics, porn, sex, space programs, Stephen Hawking | 1 Comment

Ann Coulter on O’Reilly (4/27/07)

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Rudy Ray Moore

Ann Coulter is an amazingly easy target, which is why I don’t talk about her much. It’s always the same scenario: Coulter says something wildly callous, cruel or factually wrong, the media goes nuts either condemning or defending her, she tells everyone it was a “joke”, and then we all get bored and wait for the next bat-shit crazy thing she spouts. At this point I do not find myself shocked or enraged by her and have no urge to write angry missives denouncing her. In fact, I’ve come to terms with the woman and her antics in a very “Circle Of Life” kind of way. It is her job to make broad, sweeping, ignorant statements. It is her job to perpetuate the myth of the “Left v. Right” paradigm. It is her job to be the rodeo clown for her side, so why get mad at her for it?

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April 28, 2007 Posted by | ann coulter, bill o'reilly, FOX NEWS, News and politics, rosie o'donnell, Rudy Ray Moore | 1 Comment

Mike Gravel (Now With More Video)

Honestly, I thought the debate was a bit boring. But there was one shining, ultra-entertaining star…Mike Gravel. Here is a man with nothing to lose, who is unafraid to speak his mind and say what he believes. Did I agree with everything he said? Not by a long shot, but his performance made every other candidate seem less authentic.

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April 26, 2007 Posted by | Barack Obama, Chris Matthews, Dennis Kucinich, Mike Gravel, MSNBC, News and politics | Leave a comment

Just passing this along.

I suggest everyone read this editorial from the Wall Street Journal.

April 25, 2007 Posted by | china, free market economics, News and politics, wal-mart | 1 Comment

Love Songs

Dear readers,

After the jump you find a list of titles for (unwritten) love songs that, though I would enjoy listening to them, would guarantee to destroy any mood. Enjoy!

Sincerely, The Bad Guy

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April 24, 2007 Posted by | love songs, music, relationships, romance | 3 Comments

(Not) Paying Rent

Years ago I lived in a building with an absentee landlord. I met the guy when I moved in, but I hardly ever saw him after that. When I first met the guy, he opened his door and I could see wall-to-wall beer can carpeting. I’m not kidding, that entire apartment looked and smelled like one gigantic “moment of clarity.” I was a little hesitant to deal with the guy, but you don’t say no to $375 per month. And besides the horrible condition of his floors, the rest of the building looked fine. When I paid my deposit and first month’s rent he gave me one simple rule:

“On the first of the month, slide the rent check under my door. Put it in an envelope with your apartment number on it.”

Simple enough.

So like any normal person I would pay my dirt-cheap rent every month without delay. That is until I had a conversation with two other tenants.

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April 22, 2007 Posted by | apartments, cheap rent, Free Rent, rent | 2 Comments

Let’s Kill The Desk Clerk

Last Summer the on-site maintenance man where I work was fired. His name was Raymond and he sold crack out of the apartment the company let him live in free of charge. One would think that selling drugs would be enough to fire or evict someone, but no it wasn’t. Like all horrible situations, the healing could not begin until matters became much worse.

The tipping point came when one of Raymond’s “cousins” shot and killed someone outside where I work and hid in the building. The police, about eight of ’em, showed up the next day to arrest the responsible party. Even though I had said nothing to the police at any time (I wasn’t even at work when the murder took place), Raymond’s buddies thought I was the snitch. Later, when Raymond was finally fired for turning the building into New Jack City, harboring murderers in his unit, letting his friends squat in vacant units, beating up residents who were slow to pay debts, and not doing the job he was hired to do, it was me who he and his buddies blamed.

So the following are transcripts of a few of the many exchanges I had with one of Raymond’s buddies on my trips to and from work.

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April 21, 2007 Posted by | bad jobs, crack, death, drugs are bad, san francisco, Work | 1 Comment

Fred’s Barbecue

It was a hot Summer night in Maynard, MA. I was relaxing in front of the TV, about to go to bed when I heard a knock on my window. I knew it was Fred, because only he would reach over from the balcony to knock on my window. Yes, I realize this makes Fred seems more like the neighbor from “Office Space” but trust me on this one, he was just like him…Except the “Office Space” guy had a job, wasn’t crazy and bathed regularly.

me: What’s up, Fred?

Fred: How’d you know it was me?

Me: I took a guess.

Fred: Heh-heh. Me and Slim are barbecuing out here. Want to join us?

[I know what you’re thinking: “Don’t do it!”]

me: I’ll be out in a minute. [what can I say, I make stupid decisions.]

Fred: RIGHT ON!!!

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April 19, 2007 Posted by | Barbecues, MA, Maynard, Mississippi Queen, Mountain, neighbors, weed | 3 Comments

Fred Meets My Girlfriend

My girlfriend Tina had just parked her car in front of my building and was about to walk upstairs to meet me. Before she could get to the door she ran into my neighbor, Fred. He was fixing his car dreaming of the day that he could get his license back, when the sight and smell of a young woman took him out of his automotive trance. And since the walls were thin and Fred was loud, I could hear the whole exchange from my sofa.

Fred: [Doffing his cap and flipping back his greasy hair] Can I help you with something, Miss?

Tina: That’s OK, I know where I’m going. [Tina pointed at my place and moved to the front door]

Fred: [Also moving to the front door] You know…I’ve lived here for YEARS and know just about everyone here. Who you going to visit?

Tina: I’m going to visit my boyfriend.

Fred: Who’s your boyfriend?

Tina: He just moved in, he lives on the 2nd floor.

Fred: You mean that boy? Up in that place [he pointed at my window]?

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April 18, 2007 Posted by | MA, Maynard, relationships, romance | 2 Comments