The Bad Guy

Sometimes you just get lucky.

At my job we have many security cameras that monitor the hallways and the lobby of the building. Sometimes events occur that need further explanation. Below you will find one such incident that my (2004-2005) boss needed to talk to me about.

boss: I need to see you in my office right now.

me: Sure thing.

I followed my boss into the office, shut the door and took a seat.

boss: I was reviewing last night’s security video and I noticed an incident that you failed to write up.

me: What was it?

boss: Let me show you.

My boss proceeded to show me footage of a lady resident dancing in the lobby, and exposing herself every so often. From the time code, I could see that the “dance” lasted 10 seconds . During that time I am seen noticing the resident briefly, and turning back to the TV.

me: So, what’s the problem?

boss: Why didn’t you write this up?

me: I didn’t think it was that big a deal.

boss: And what made you decide that this [my boss pressed “play” and showed me the footage again] was not a big deal?

me: Will you shut that off? I didn’t want to see that the first time!

boss: So what made you decide that it wasn’t a big deal?

me: After dealing with two domestic violence reports where the police had to show up, three fist-fights between residents and their guests and one evicted resident throwing an iron at my head, I felt that one resident’s eccentricities didn’t rise to the same level.

boss: Was it because you enjoyed watching her?

me: What? Look at the video, I’m facing the OTHER WAY!

[for the record, I’m not a big fan of elderly crackheads showing their breasts]

boss: Think very carefully about what you say, I will not tolerate insubordination by ANYONE on staff.

me: And you should think carefully about what you are about to do. You only show up to work two or three times a week. The main office is on you to shape your performance and this building. They also know all about how you you declined my request for New Years Eve off [that I submitted on 12/1] on December, 30th. And then I have to work an extra shift because YOU invited the graveyard guy to your fuckin’ party. And they also know that I worked EVERY other holiday that year and the year before.

boss: But you had a vacation in November…

me: My grandmother’s funeral was NOT a vacation!!! Christ, I have never had a more incompetent boss EVER!!! You fuck up the accounting on the payroll, you don’t collect rent, you’ve allowed this whole building to fall into disrepair, you never answer your phone, you hired an on-site maintenance man who sells crack out of his apartment, and you are micro-managing THE ONE PERSON who shows up on time and does his job.

boss: You are an inch away from getting fired!

me: Go ahead, fire me! What are you going to do? Who’s going to do all the work around here? You? You can’t even show up to work. I do the work around here and you can’t even do me the courtesy of finding someone to show up to relieve me at midnight! So go ahead and fire me. I dare you.

boss: Get out of my office.

me: So, you’re firing me?

boss: I’ll think about it.

me: See, I knew you wouldn’t fire me. If you did, you’d have to stay here and do my shift! And you can hardly do your job, let alone anyone elses!

boss: You are out of line!

me: I’m going to the front desk to do my job. Watch and learn.

boss: Enjoy YOUR LAST DAY HERE!!!

So I went back to the desk and stewed for the next eight hours. I worked on my resume and tried to euphemistically describe a reason for why I left my present job. The next day, I got to work (at 4pm, I work the evening shift) and Josh told me that our boss got fired at noon…

…Whew! That was a close one.


March 23, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, san francisco, Work


  1. Brilliant. I love your work. You have a strong and clear voice. Keep it coming.

    Comment by Niamaat | March 27, 2007 | Reply

  2. […] had all these plans for how I was going to quit (but truth be told, I was fairly sure I’d get fired). Here are some of my […]

    Pingback by Quit My Job « The Bad Guy | May 3, 2007 | Reply

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