The Bad Guy

A conversation I wanted no part of.

[A man showed up to visit his girlfriend at the building where I work. As per standard procedure, I called up to the apartment to let her know about her gentleman caller’s arrival.]

me: Good evening, Ms. Bolt. Edgar is here to see you.

Ms. Bolt: [screaming] You tell that SON-OF-A-BITCH to get the fuck out of here!!!

[The shock of the scream had me jerk the phone far away from my ear.]

me: [to Edgar] Uh, she says that this is not a good time right now.

Edgar: No, I heard what she said! You tell her to let me in this building, I’ve got her shit!!!

me: [to Edgar] Give me a second, please. [to Ms. Bolt] This is between Edgar and yourself. If you want to come down here and talk to him, fine. But don’t involve me.

Ms. Bolt: What the FUCK?!?! What do they pay you to do down there? Play faggoty games on the computer? Watch TV? You tell Edgar to get the fuck away from where I live! [Ms. Bolt Hangs up the phone]

me: Edgar, I will not repeat Ms. Bolt’s message to you verbatim. I will say that she did not authorize me to send you up. If you want any further info, call her and talk to her yourself.

Edgar: Call her up again, I want to talk to her.

me: No.

Edgar: Fine, be a BITCH about it! [pulls out his cell phone and dials her number] Listen here…No…No…Listen…Shut UP!!!…OK, I brought your eggs [throws a dozen eggs on the floor where they break], I brought your orange juice [drops a glass bottle of oj on the floor], I brought you [in my mind I’m thinking “please don’t be another glass container.”] Skittles! Skittles, I got your mother-fuckin’ Skittles [opens the bag and empties it on the floor]!!! And you won’t let me in. [turns to me] C’mon, let me in for just a minute.

me: No. Please leave or I call the police [yeah, I realize that’s not much of a threat in these parts, but it’s what I’m “supposed to do” in these situations].

Edgar: Whoa! Whoa! What the fuck? Why do you want to do that? What’d I do to you? Come on…Man to man.

me: You just made a gigantic mess that I’m going to have to clean up and you’re causing a disturbance.

Edgar: You know what? Fuck you. If you just let me in the building in the first place, none of this would have happened. So go ahead, be a bitch and call the cops.

[I obliged Edgar and dialed 911.]

me: Hi, I’m calling from [address censored] to report a trespasser. [as I talk to the operator, Edgar is on the phone with Ms. Bolt.]

Edgar: C’mon, the desk man is calling the cops on me. Come down here and talk to me.

Ms. Bolt: [I can hear her screaming in the elevator] I’m not going to fuck with you! I want you out of my building!!! [exits the elevator but still on her phone] You hear me!

Edgar: [looking straight at Ms. Bolt but speaking into his phone] Why don’t you come here and say that to me?

Ms. Bolt: [still on the phone but right in front of Edgar] I’m right in front of your face, asshole!!! [turns to me] Will you tell him to leave?

me: I have.

Ms. Bolt: Tell Edgar I want his foul ass out of here!

Edgar: You tell her I want the money for the groceries I bought her.

me: [to Ms. Bolt] No. [to Edgar] And No. I will, however, tell both of you that the cops are on their way and it would be a great idea if this was settled before they get here.

Ms. Bolt & Edgar: What the FUCK!!!

Edgar: No, you don’t do that to a grown man!

Ms. Bolt: You called the police? Why do you have to bring them into this?

Edgar: [to Ms. Bolt] Fuck you! [to me] Fuck you! And FUCK THIS PLACE [Edgar exits the building leaving a mess of eggs, oj, Skittles and broken glass on the floor]!!!

Ms. Bolt: [turns to me and puts her finger in my face] I’m telling your boss about this tomorrow. Don’t you EVER disrespect me or my guests like that again!!!

[Ms. Bolt boards the elevator and heads back upstairs. I call the police back, cancel the call, and find some cleaning supplies…God, I hate my life sometimes.]


March 15, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, relationships, romance, san francisco, Work


  1. Eggs and Skittles are SO over with – now it’s eggs and Sweet Tarts 🙂

    Comment by Myrtle | March 15, 2007 | Reply

  2. Well the story did take place two years ago.

    Comment by thebadguy | March 15, 2007 | Reply

  3. […] You remember Ms. Bolt & Edgar, don’t you? […]

    Pingback by KITTIES!!! « The Bad Guy | April 4, 2007 | Reply

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