The Bad Guy

The Streak and the Crack Whisperer

This story starts as many do, at my job. I stepped outside to get some fresh air and all was quiet. Then up the street I heard screaming. It was the sound of one man screaching in terror. The sound became louder and I saw who was making all that noise. It was a short, skinny, sweaty, naked man and he was running my way. His arms were up in the air as he streaked right past me. Ten seconds later his friend followed…Carrying his clothes.

“Jerry, come on man! Put on your drawers at least, man! Jerry, stop! Jerry, stop it!”

The naked man rounded the corner, “I’m not putting those clothes back on! Get them away from me!!! AIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

Doppler was in full effect as the naked man ran further away. Everyone on the street just looked at each other. The consensus unanimous:

“Boy lost his mind.”

“See what happens when you fuck around with drugs?”

“Did you see his shit flapping around? Boy was on some serious shit!”

“That man lost his MIND!”

“Mm-hmm.”

Things soon went back to normal and interrupted conversations resumed. Five minutes later the naked man came back around for a second lap.

“AAAAIIIIIGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!”

“Come on, man! I’m tired of running! Put your damn pants back on!”

“I’m not gonna!!! I’M NOT GONNAAAAAIIIIGGGGHHHHHHH!!!”

Everyone on the street, as if on cue, rolled their eyes in unison.

But then the police got involved. I guess it was a slow night as 6 cruisers showed up to contain the situation. Naked guy might have been freaked out by his pants, but cops scared him even more. One crusier blocked his route to round the corner and the guy turned and headed back the way he came. He was then met by three officers who were about as gentle as rodeo rustlers. After they had him down on the street, one officer put the cuffs on and kept his knee in the small of naked guy’s back. Naked guy had issues with this and screamed “My dick is on the street! It’s cold, oh, it’s cold! Get my dick off the street!!!” The officer who was in charge of restrainning the naked man whispered something in his ear and the screaming stopped. The naked man became cooperative, was strapped to the gurney and taken away by ambulance with not as much as a grown or a whimper.

I still don’t know what the policeman told the crackhead, but just like the finale to Lost In Translation, I feel it should be left a mystery

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March 5, 2007 - Posted by | bad jobs, crack, drugs are bad, san francisco, Work

3 Comments »

  1. Too bad that didn’t take place down here – his dick would be a balmy 85 degrees đŸ™‚

    Comment by Myrtle | March 5, 2007 | Reply

  2. I love our way of policing in the UK; but sometimes, just for a minute, I’d love to be able to do things like you do in some parts of the US!

    Comment by sarahpolicelady | March 6, 2007 | Reply

  3. I was thinking of home so I plugged in “San Francisco” and did some tag surfing. This was wild. It had me howling with laughter. The photo was educational, too. Now I have more props for my imagination. Thanks. You’re a marvelous story teller.;)

    Comment by magicbody | March 6, 2007 | Reply


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