The Bad Guy

Drudge Exposes Democratic Horse-Fuckers…Developing!

I love the Drudge Report. All headlines…All the time. What I love most is the way he tries to show his shock and disgust of the “left-wing conspiracy.” Today, he has uncovered the truth about how liberals are making “bestialitychic.” This of course goes back to Rick Santorum’s prophecy of a slippery slope from gay marriage to man-on-dog sex. And Drudge holds this man up as a martyred soldier, a prophet, though be it in his own subtle way.

The proof comes in the form of a double whammy. A “thoughtful” documentary on the subject showing at Sundance and models dressed like horses in Milan.

[Correction: the show was in Paris, not Milan.  My bad.]

Now, I’m not putting anyone down for making arguments either way. Drudge makes his bread and butter by being sensational and he’s good at it. Hell what I really love is listening to him ranting about the the “gay cabal” on his weekly radio show that uses nothing but house music and torch songs as bumper music. But I’m just looking at these pictures of models dressed like horses and the last thing I’m thinking is “Hey, maybe I could fuck a horse. Maybe if I objectify chicks in horse costumes long enough I’ll go to the track and rub one out. And if all goes well, I’ll work up the courage to buy Flicka a drink.”

Well, that’s not how things work for me. Cut to 11 years ago. I was dating a young lady who on weekends performed at children’s birthday parties dressed as either Big Bird or Barney. One afternoon she got back to the apartment dressed like Big Bird and was about to get undressed and get into bed with me when I looked deep into her eyes (well, just above Big Bird’s sternum…that’s where the eye slits were anyways) and requested with all sincerity “No…Leave it on.”

The mechanics were all wrong. Have you ever wondered what it would look like if you got a hand-job from Big Bird? That’s all one can really do. You can’t fuck someone in that suit unless you want to tear hole in the crotch, and we couldn’t do that because then she would have had to pay to repair the damage. And the thought of fucking Big Bird’s tracheotomy hole didn’t appeal to me either. So…uh…there I was…lying on the bed with Big Bird next to me…And Big Bird was stroking my cock. Yeah, the thought of it might make one chuckle, and that’s the problem, I could not stop laughing. I also could not keep an erection.

My point is that bestiality is not my thing and fucking chicks dressed like animals is not the gateway to bestiality he suggests it to be. But I do applaud Drudge for doing his part to ultimately link the Democrats to horse-fucking, if only for how amusing the debates will be on Hannity & Colmes.


January 22, 2007 - Posted by | big bird, Blogroll, drudge, News and politics, relationships, sesame st

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