The Bad Guy

Worst idea of the day.

In my time as a desk clerk I have lived through the implementation of many questionable policies. There was the 6 months that the TV was taken away from the desk clerks because they wanted us to pay attention to our jobs (though playing video games was A-OK). Then there was the time when a supervisor thought she could whip the desk staff into shape by telling us to shut up and listen to the story of how the company was started by a couple of nuns, a few million dollars of Vatican money and a dream. There was even the time they decided to promote a guy who STILL believes that Abe Lincoln discovered America. But today the company I work for announced a new plan that will, without a doubt, cause a mess to dwarf all of those and every other bone-headed decision that management has made in the past 3 years.

Here’s the plan as it was explained to me. Desk clerks are present at my building 24 hours everyday, but to cut costs the graveyard shift will be eliminated. So how will the building be monitored in the late night hours? This is a building in a HIGH CRIME AREA. The building itself is geared to help low income FAMILIES with SMALL CHILDREN have a place to live. Many residents are single mothers who have restraining orders against ex-boyfriends and husbands. My point is that the residents want to have someone there 24-7 just in case something goes wrong. And the new plan takes away that layer of security from midnight to 8am.

But wait! There will be someone watching…from across the street! At a building owned by the same company, the night desk guy will be watching the front desk via video link. And that guy across the street will be able to talk anyone trying to enter the building after hours.

If you think this sounds like the Michael Crichton version of 1984, you are absolutely right. The upside is that I will get to go home on time every night. The bad news is that the building will burn down and/or people will die before the powers that forced this plan on us realize they messed up. Worse still, when the blame gets passed out it will not fall on the guy who thought up this mess, it will fall square on the shoulders of the telescreen watcher across the street.

Heck, Even my boss thought the idea was horrid. He jokingly suggested a betting pool for when the building would catch fire. Despite my love for dark, tactless humor I declined. I explained that I didn’t want to be standing next him in front of the smouldering embers of the building with one of us saying “pay up.”


November 17, 2006 Posted by | Work | 1 Comment


Job interviews are not fun. They are, however, essential to gaining employment, so one soldiers through them. Today I had one that is one of the worst I ever had to endure.

I had an appointment at a political action office at 11am. When I arrived five minutes early the place was already full of young people who also had and an 11am appointment. The boss told us all to get in a circle and he’d “rap to us” about the organization and the positions he was hiring for.

Upon applying, I had been given the impression that this was going to be an office job. Not by a long shot. Boss guy made it clear this was all about standing on the street with a clip board and bugging the bejeezus out of anyone walking by. This is not something I really want to be involved with. I know this because this is how I deal with folks with clip boards on the street who try to stop me:


A) Walk straight past the person, eyes fixed on the horizon at a brisk pace.

B) If the person is a very persistent Scientologist, telling them that I will not speak to anyone who isn’t “clear”.


C) Be very rude if the person on the street gets a little too close (for example, one guy started following me asking me dumb questions about my clothes and what my belt buckle had written on it. I told him that it said “if you’re close enough to read this you’re sucking my dick!” No that was not polite, or wise or anything I’m proud of, but that’s what I said.).

Now I was in a room interviewing for the position of “THAT GUY.” I felt a little sorry for myself that this is the kind of job I get asked to interview for. Out of all the hundreds of resumes I send out, I only get called back about dumb, degrading jobs like this.

Anyway the boss ends his spiel about what the organization does and goes around the room to ask all of us to talk about ourselves and our politics. Most of the other interviewees were very nice and talked about their very mild left-leaning stances. After twenty minutes It’s my turn. I made the mistake of saying that I was really happy about the Jim Webb’s election in Virginia and that Tester guy in Montana. I also made the mistake of bringing up that the margins of victory were very small in most races and that they’d need a lot of help to widen the margins in 2008. Yeah, I really need to work on my tact.

Then came the one-on-one interviews. The walls were thin in the office so all of us waiting knew exactly what was being said. Quickly, all of us figured out that the folks getting hired were talking to the big boss, and all the “Yeeah…we’ll be in touch” candidates were going to the second office. I was the last one to be interviewed and I was sent into office #2.

Sitting across from a very nice young lady, I started things off and politely told her that “I just don’t think this place is the right fit for me. I do appreciate your time today and I will keep your number in my files. I’ll get in touch with you REAL soon.” I extended my hand, she bewilderedly shook it, and I left.

What? Did you want me to blow up at the lady? It’s my fault I wasted 2 hours at that office, not hers.

November 16, 2006 Posted by | Work | Leave a comment

Shepard Smith is losing his mind.

Don’t believe me? Go check Fox News right now. He’s babbling and speaking in tongues like he’s at a tent revival (the Christian kind, not the Pfizer kind). When I can get video up of this I will post it for all to see.

November 7, 2006 Posted by | News and politics | Leave a comment

Scary image to be embedded in your mind…

…And inspire you for next Halloween. But don’t bother ’cause I call dibs.

For next Halloween I will be Vanity Fair columnist Christopher Hitchens – dressed as SpongeBob SquarePants.

In the article I linked to he did say that he got dressed up “under some protest” so I’ll need to find someone to play the part of Mrs Hitchens to argue with.

November 7, 2006 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Apology not accepted

Wow.  I’ll put this as simply as possible.  We all know about the paving on the road to hell and we all have to be accountable for plans we put forward.  The mantra of “they screwed it all up!” fails to translate to “I’m sorry” in my book.  It might be all we get, but it’s just not good enough.  Heck, I had my fill of apology/self-justification from McNamara in “Fog of War” and the Vanity Fair article is worse.  We are all afraid to truly face our failures on some level, especially when they have cost the lives of so many.  My advice for these gentlemen is to take their time…and take tips on what NOT to do from the great war tribunals of our age.

November 5, 2006 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Kent Hovind to experience Social Darwinism first-hand.

Kent Hovind is a legend in the world of Creation Science. His videos are cult hits on the internet by both evangelicals and drug-crazed young people, he travels the world preaching that dinosaurs are really dragons and still exist in remote areas of the world and he has his own dinosaur theme park in Florida.

But all is not well in the world of Kent Hovind. Yesterday (11/3/06) he was convicted of 58 counts of tax fraud. Turns out that he paid all his employees in cash and never paid taxes on his payroll and so much more. Thanks Federal Government, now I’m going to have to hear this guy proclaim how he’s being persecuted for his faith for the next few years.

Sadly, between his tax woes and Ted Haggard’s love for homo-erotic tweaking, Kent Hovind is about four character assassinations short of a Godfather finale montage.

[Update: Because the above link no longer works here’s another that does.]

November 5, 2006 Posted by | News and politics, Uncategorized | Leave a comment