CLOWNS!!!

I just wanted to pass along these rather disturbing videos of Christian clown training. I have always held true to my belief that nobody likes a clown. The videos below reinforce that for me.

Of Zero G and G-Strings

This past week we got to see Stephen Hawking in zero gravity.

With this, Dr. Hawking kinda fulfilled a dream of his. It may not have been a space flight, but he did get to feel weightlessness for the first time. Good for him. But what some people may not know about Stephen Hawking is that he has realized MANY other fantasies.

Ann Coulter on O’Reilly (4/27/07)

“I’d rather be hated for who I am, than loved for who I am not.” – Rudy Ray Moore

Ann Coulter is an amazingly easy target, which is why I don’t talk about her much. It’s always the same scenario: Coulter says something wildly callous, cruel or factually wrong, the media goes nuts either condemning or defending her, she tells everyone it was a “joke”, and then we all get bored and wait for the next bat-shit crazy thing she spouts. At this point I do not find myself shocked or enraged by her and have no urge to write angry missives denouncing her. In fact, I’ve come to terms with the woman and her antics in a very “Circle Of Life” kind of way. It is her job to make broad, sweeping, ignorant statements. It is her job to perpetuate the myth of the “Left v. Right” paradigm. It is her job to be the rodeo clown for her side, so why get mad at her for it?

Mike Gravel (Now With More Video)

Honestly, I thought the debate was a bit boring. But there was one shining, ultra-entertaining star…Mike Gravel. Here is a man with nothing to lose, who is unafraid to speak his mind and say what he believes. Did I agree with everything he said? Not by a long shot, but his performance made every other candidate seem less authentic.

Just passing this along.

I suggest everyone read this editorial from the Wall Street Journal.

Love Songs

Dear readers,

After the jump you find a list of titles for (unwritten) love songs that, though I would enjoy listening to them, would guarantee to destroy any mood. Enjoy!

Sincerely, The Bad Guy

Doocy tells the world of MacCallum’s teenage oral prowess

There are certain moments in TV that deserve to be applauded for the gorgeous disasters they are. I now offer you a transcript from last night’s “O’Reilly Factor.” In it Steve Doocy makes a joke about Martha MacCallum being the oral sex champion of her high school:

Bill O: Listen to this song from “Welcome Back Kotter.”

The opening credits and theme from “Welcome Back Kotter” play on the screen.

Bill O: You should be glad you’re not here because Doocy was actually singing that which…

[laughter from Steve Doocy and Martha MacCallum]

Bill O: Now the singer of that song, John Sebastian, is associated with which rock group?

A) Big Brother and the Holding Company

B) Lovin’ Spoonful

C) Styx

D) Toto

(Not) Paying Rent

Years ago I lived in a building with an absentee landlord. I met the guy when I moved in, but I hardly ever saw him after that. When I first met the guy, he opened his door and I could see wall-to-wall beer can carpeting. I’m not kidding, that entire apartment looked and smelled like one gigantic “moment of clarity.” I was a little hesitant to deal with the guy, but you don’t say no to $375 per month. And besides the horrible condition of his floors, the rest of the building looked fine. When I paid my deposit and first month’s rent he gave me one simple rule:

“On the first of the month, slide the rent check under my door. Put it in an envelope with your apartment number on it.”

Simple enough.

So like any normal person I would pay my dirt-cheap rent every month without delay. That is until I had a conversation with two other tenants.

Let’s Kill The Desk Clerk

Last Summer the on-site maintenance man where I work was fired. His name was Raymond and he sold crack out of the apartment the company let him live in free of charge. One would think that selling drugs would be enough to fire or evict someone, but no it wasn’t. Like all horrible situations, the healing could not begin until matters became much worse.

The tipping point came when one of Raymond’s “cousins” shot and killed someone outside where I work and hid in the building. The police, about eight of ‘em, showed up the next day to arrest the responsible party. Even though I had said nothing to the police at any time (I wasn’t even at work when the murder took place), Raymond’s buddies thought I was the snitch. Later, when Raymond was finally fired for turning the building into New Jack City, harboring murderers in his unit, letting his friends squat in vacant units, beating up residents who were slow to pay debts, and not doing the job he was hired to do, it was me who he and his buddies blamed.

So the following are transcripts of a few of the many exchanges I had with one of Raymond’s buddies on my trips to and from work.

Fred’s Barbecue

It was a hot Summer night in Maynard, MA. I was relaxing in front of the TV, about to go to bed when I heard a knock on my window. I knew it was Fred, because only he would reach over from the balcony to knock on my window. Yes, I realize this makes Fred seems more like the neighbor from “Office Space” but trust me on this one, he was just like him…Except the “Office Space” guy had a job, wasn’t crazy and bathed regularly.

me: What’s up, Fred?

Fred: How’d you know it was me?

Me: I took a guess.

Fred: Heh-heh. Me and Slim are barbecuing out here. Want to join us?

[I know what you're thinking: "Don't do it!"]

me: I’ll be out in a minute. [what can I say, I make stupid decisions.]

Fred: RIGHT ON!!!